Rainy Morning Reflections

Florence, Ore., July 18 --

Thoughts and Prayers on a Rainy Morning

Sinking deeper into the cozy sheets, my dog curled up beside me, I lie in wait
for God
for some sign
for sure knowledge
What am I doing here, Lord? Why this gypsy life?

Where is my passion?
Where is my bliss?
Only in you, Father. But how to channel that?
How to express my feelings in meaningful actions?
How to share that with others in ways that help them understand
your unfathomable love and goodness?
And finally,
how to use whatever gifts you have given me
to help bring your peace and justice to reality here in this world.
I believe this must be done heart by heart,
person to person,
conversion by conversion.
This is not something we can force because then it will be our will, not yours.
We are only your instruments;
you are the skilled hand guiding us, your tools, to accomplish the greatest good,
the only true good.

Rain brings on introspection.
I prefer to travel the dark paths of my inner soul on a dark and rainy day.
When I am alone and not distracted by things that demand my attention.
When the sun is out I want to explore your big beautiful world,
to be out in it reveling in your purple foxgloves and yellow buttercups,
the swallows swooping through the golden air,
breezes blowing my hair from my face so my eyes can see clearly your generous gifts all around me.

The interior darkness is confusing.
I feel safe only because I know that you are here with me.
But there are other things here, too.
False things, ready to steer me the wrong way on winding paths that lead to nowhere.
That waste what little time you have given me here on your beautiful earth.

Lord, Father of all whose love is so abundant we can never understand it,
please be with me
and help me turn aside from those wrong paths. They look so tempting,
so very much as if they are truly your way.
They distract with good intentions or laziness,
or fear that taking the hard road will bring
too many questions and criticisms from the wise people.
Send your Spirit to direct my heart to that one path you want me to follow,
without regard for what others say or think.
For I continue to be lost. And only you, God of my heart, know how to help me get found.