On the Edge

St. Claire, MI, Aug. 28 -- I find myself today on the edge of lake Erie, on the edge of the country (crossing into Ontario, Canada, on Weds.), on the edge of more adventures in NY (Niagara Falls, Upstate, whatever), and probably on the edge of insanity according to some people. No matter; onward and eastward.

What IS it with these thunderstorms? Last night and this morning there was a good, rousing storm with plenty of rain. I understand this area needs rain and I guess I should be glad to be the bringer of good news -- since this weather seems to be stalking me -- but it sure was nice to drive south into the heart of Michigan and out of the rain. According to the book I’m reading by Thomas Merton, I should be thankful that God’s will for me is storms. Rain, wind, thunder and lightening. I’m not sure this contemplation stuff works for me; maybe I’ll just stick with Ignatian spirituality,

So after contemplating other drivers, there are a couple things that just drive me crazy and I would like to remind all my friends and readers NOT to do them. The first thing is, if you have cruise control, use it! It is so frustrating to be following someone who’s just dawdling along and then, as soon as I get in the left lane to pass, they decide they need to speed it up, and it’s a race. So usually I just drop back and into the right lane again. Fool me once and that’s acceptable; the second time it happens I am likely to put the pedal to the medal and leave you in the dust. The second thing is people who pull out in front of me or cut me off. Folks, I am driving a very large piece of machinery and it just doesn’t stop on a dime. If you pull in front of me and make me slam on my brakes, expect to hear from my friend, Mr. Air Horn. Please be considerate and don’t do these things to other people with big rigs. One more if I’m permitted: if you are not a truck or pulling a trailer, don’t go into the truck parking side at rest stops. Sometimes the slots are full because of people who wanted to play at being truckdrivers. Leave those big spaces for the big rigs, PLEASE!

Okay, glad I got that off my chest!

Now I think I owe you a followup on pasties. The one I had was similar to a calzone. It was nice, flakey pastry/piecrust folded in half over filling and sealed. The filling is usually meat and vegetables and this one was beef -- quite chewy little pieces of beef -- with very small cubes of potato, carrot shreddings and a little onion. People here often eat them with gravy and I can see why; they are quite dry. I tried adding ranch dressing, catsup and salsa. The catsup was probably the best choice of the three but maybe the gravy would have been better. Lots of calories undoubtedly for not that much gastronomic satisfaction.

I changed out my music selection last night and now have several John Denver and Mary Chapin Carpenter cds, among others. Nice change. I had forgotten how much I like John Denver’s music. Even if he was a little flakey, some of his music has great messages. In fact, it’s interesting to listen closely to the words of alot of music; God definitely has a place there. Speaking of music, last night I was playing around with some of my photos and decided to create a slide show using many of my sunset pictures. Then I added the music that Sarah and Jeanette and I recorded -- the song we almost always closed the contemplative masses we sang with: Compline Hymn. I like it! My first music video, teehee!

Sitting in my command post driving the Mo and listening to music gives me lots of time to reflect on the words. So many love songs: sad songs, joyful songs, confused songs. Listening to songs that declare undying love for someone makes me think that might be what we all are striving for: someone to love us forever, treasure us, almost worship us. They remind me of how well loved I was by John. That constant, self-sacrificing love is truly a special love and even though there can be complications and difficulties when people live their lives together, nevertheless, knowing I was so well loved is a gift. It seems alot to expect that I would ever find that again, and find someone I could love in that way. Thinking about it today I know it will be almost miraculous for me to find that. So short of a miracle, I am willing to remain single if that is how my life turns out. Being single doesn’t mean being alone or lonely -- at least not all the time. And sometimes you can be very lonely and alone when you have a life partner. But given my choice, I would prefer to find someone wonderful to spend the rest of my life with.

Of course, I have Charlie; but he’s such a Dog!! If I remind myself often enough of how very much God loves me -- more than any human ever could -- that mitigates the pain of being alone some. I pray that it will be enough if that is, indeed, what God calls me to for the rest of my life. But that’s part of what this journey is for; to try to figure some of this stuff out.

It is perplexing to me to figure out how to really know and love God-within-us and still be able to love and give fully to another human. I guess that is why so many of the saints and doctors of the church remained single; loving God seems like it could be an all-consuming ministry and mission and life. It is good to know that God is in control of all of this. I would hate for me to be control!

Tomorrow -- New York!

TravelinLady