A Spiritual Dry Spell in Spite of the Rain

Prior Lake, MN, Aug. 22 -- I am getting tired of the rain here. It is August, for Heaven's sake! Even when the rain stops briefly, the air is so thick you can almost see droplets of water. Everything feels damp. The humidity in my Mo is hovering between 87 and 89 percent this morning. I have only seen the sun for brief moments since Friday. Even when we have rainy weather in Portland after July it rarely lasts more than a day. I know they have been having a drought but it's too late to save some of the crops. In fact, the leaves are starting to change color in some places because of the stress of drought. So I feel selfish whining about the wetness; but it is depressing.

My new "rebuilt" inverter arrived at the shop today but unfortunately they are short-handed so I will have to take it in tomorrow morning first thing. I was hoping to be on the road tomorrow morning first thing, but I can work around this, I guess. I am scheduled to be in Door County (just south of Green Bay) for four nights starting Thursday. I will spend a few hours with an old friend, but he and his wife have alot of time commitments so a few hours is all I'll get. More exploring on my own.

I spent quite a bit of time this morning looking at my atlases and trying to figure out where my next stop will be. Somewhere in Michigan if I continue East. Right now I am having many second thoughts about this traveling. It just seems overwhelming. Some days it seems exciting. Today it seems unsettling -- frightening even -- not knowing where I am going. I'm not sure I have it in me to continue this journey alone. Today I thought alot about the loneliness of what I am doing and asked myself many questions -- mostly starting with why. I am really feeling the loss of John deeply today. There are so many beautiful, wonderful places to see, so many interesting things to do, but they lose their luster when I think about doing them alone. It is tempting to just hit 90 after leaving Wisconsin and head back west through South Dakota and Wyoming, the places I planned to travel through on the way out here but didn't because of the motorcycle enclave in Sturgis, and then continue west. I have a longing for the familiar: familiar faces, familiar places.

I don't think my "journey" is done yet and I hate to abort it. But the true journey is more internal anyway. I could do it from anywhere, including spending a week or two here or there throughout the Northwest. I finished my Sue Monk Kidd book -- finally. It has been very helpful to me in reflecting on this time of waiting. I could use some spiritual direction -- and all my contacts for that are in the Northwest. My guardian angels, my spiritual mentors, are all in the Northwest. In spite of all the rain here, I feel dried up spiritually; uninspired, unsettled. Is that what is pulling me back west?

So today I struggle with all the open doors, all the unanswered questions. What DO I want to be when I grow up? The only for sure answer I've come up with at this point is that I don't want to be alone.

TravelinLady