After Thanksgiving, the Leftovers

Portland, OR, Nov. 25 -- There's an old wise Zen saying: After the ecstacy, the laundry. How true in much of life. After Thanksgiving, the cleanup: the dishes, the putting away of everything, the turkey sandwiches. Some would argue that's the best part, me included. I love fresh turkey on a good, chewy bread (Como from Grand Central Bakery comes to mind), with a little cream cheese (fat free, of course), whole cranberry sauce (or my cranberry salad, even better), a leaf of lettuce and a dab of mayo. However, even though I managed to get myself invited to two dinners this year, no leftovers for me. I did make my cranberry salad and share that at both meals, and my fudge and share that at both meals, as well. But no leftovers. I haven't decided for sure if getting out of doing most of the cooking is worth no leftovers. My oven isn't really big enough to accommodate a turkey, although I could probably cook a turkey breast, which is really the only part I like anyway. So I may have to do that.


I'm also thinking about buying a very small tree to decorate and put on my steering-wheel table. Probably after I get back from my visit to LaConner. All my ornaments are wrapped up and stored somewhere -- I think with my daughter in Coos Bay so I may have to get ornaments and a small string of lights, too. This tight living space is wearing thin with me, especially on cold days or rainy days. And it is, after all, late fall here; what else can you expect?


One of the big surprises of this last week was the news that I am going to have a grandchild. My son and his wife are pregnant. She already has three boys and had said she is not having any more so this was truly a pleasant surprise. However, they are always so busy with their lives I doubt I will ever have much time to spend with them and this child. I think it's a bit harder to be an included grandma when you are the paternal grandparent; daughters tend to trust their own mothers more and seem to be more willing to spend time with them, regardless of the circumstances. So it will be interesting to see how this plays out. Interestingly, I think they are due in early July which is John's birthday -- July 4. Just when you think you have life kind of figured out, you get a zinger that lets you know you'll never get it right so don't even try.


In addition to spending time with my son and his wife and her extended family, I spent some time with Jeff and his family. I know part of the family -- which is how I came to know Jeff -- and love them. But I was amazed and impressed by their youngest son, who plays piano beautifully, after only two years. Their daughter is friendly and warm and really seems sweet. Jeff's brother and his family were new to me but I fell in love with their two daughters, who are 7 and 9. Cute, charming, precocious little girls, a blonde and a brunette, with big dimples. They each made me a lovely Christmas card with their colored pens. My first of the season. The younger girl's picture is, I think, of Charlie. At least it's an animal and it's kind of Charlie's color. She really liked Charlie. He liked whoever had turkey and begged plenty from everyone.


So it was a busy day and I certainly had plenty to eat. Probably too much. Jeff left on Saturday morning as he had things to do back in Seattle, so the rest of the weekend I was alone and kind of moped around a little. One day with plenty of people in my life, then back to the laundry, the empty times when it is just me and Charlie. Even in Portland, where I know so many people. I ended up going to Mass twice on Sunday, mostly just to see people and connect.


Interestingly, I will be going to a political event this Tuesday where many of my former co-workers will probably also be. I haven't really talked to any of them since I returned to Oregon, except for two who came to talk at a meeting of a political group I belong to earlier this month. If I hadn't been at the meeting, I wonder if anyone would have thought to invite me to this gathering. So those connections I sometimes like to think I have here in Portland don't appear to be all that strong. Honestly, there are times when I think it's my imagination that I have a community here and that there is any reason on earth for me to remain in the Portland area. Except my parish community, which continues to pull at me.

As I go back and reread, this blog sounds like a whiny, complaining, poor-me entry. So maybe I am a bit down with my life. Trying to figure out where I should be and what I should be doing. Maybe it's the cold, cloudy weather today. I am now thinking I should have gone south after all. Maybe in January I will. Christmas probably isn't going to be much different. My daughter won't be coming up here, and I fly out headed to Cabo on Christmas morning so if I spend time with anyone it will probably be my son's family. And I always feel like a bit of an interloper there, like just added baggage to an already full cart. Well, I best sign off before this gets any more depressing. But I will add that things still seem to be very positive with the man in my life. We made it through our first little misunderstanding and trauma and are committed to being a couple, although possibly a long distance one, at least for awhile. And maybe that's part of the loneliness and struggle for me right now. I'll just have to take it one step at a time.

TravelinLady