Enough Proves Too Much

Here’s the thing about me. I waffle and hem and haw over decisions, small and large. I go over scenarios and try to pick the best, safest, smartest course. But then something pushes me over the edge and when I make a decision, it’s all over but the shouting and the second guessing.

So my Saturn has been very unpleasant lately. When I went to DMV to renew my driver’s license on Tuesday -- armed to the teeth with passport, birth certificate, marriage license, John’s death certificate, address information, tax records, etc. -- the car refused to start as I was preparing to leave DMV.

When I took my daughter-in-law, Dee, to see Phantom of the Opera for her birthday -- it was marvelous, though half the theater was empty; why do they charge so much for the seats and then have half of them sit empty??? -- it took us several minutes to get the Saturn started afterwards. On the way home it continued to surge and hesitate and kept threatening to die every time we came to a stop light. On the way home the temperature gauge would plunge down to “0” and then back up randomly. Never seen anything like that before.

While I was driving her home we talked about my RAV4 that they have and I finally realized I just wasn’t going to get that back without a fight. And you know how much I love a fight -- not at all. They really need a bigger car with seatbelts for all the boys but they can’t afford it right now.

So on Wednesday morning I called a friend who works at Broadway Toyota, only to be told he no longer works there. So I went on line, made some phone calls, and decided to go check out some used RAV4s at the Toyota dealership in Gladstone, just a few miles away from me. I told myself before I went that if they had a good one with low miles, and a color I liked -- preferably silver or blue but definitely not black or red, that it might be a sign for me.

We looked at several and I really liked a 2006 with only 14,800 miles, but it was more than I wanted to pay. We talked about price, they looked at the Saturn as a trade in. And guess what: it refused to start. Totally refused. They had one of their mechanics come out and look it over and his early diagnosis was that it might need a new engine.

So of course they couldn’t give me much for trade in value. But I have things to do, places to go. I need a reliable vehicle that can also haul things bigger than a shoebox. So I wrote them check and now am the proud owner of a 2006 RAV4, silver in color, just like my 2001. I actually like this one better. It's a bit bigger and seems more solid, has a slightly bigger engine, and supposedly it will get a couple miles more per gallon, 23 and 28 versus 20 and 25. Of course, the Saturn gets much better mileage -- when it is running correctly.

It almost seemed like fate: that they had what I was looking for, even the right color, and then my car refused to start. At least, that’s the way I took it; I’m supposed to have this Toyota. I just wish I could have gotten more for my trade-in.

I will give Karl and Dee the title to the 2001 and they can use it to trade for a minivan. It should have sufficient value to get them a pretty decent one. Financially this is not a smart move on my part, but I feel I am putting good Karma out there -- doing something good for my son and his family. It will come back to me in positive ways; I trust in that. Maybe down the road they will be able to pay me back. I will need to find ways to make sure Kristin gets equal help somewhere when/if she needs it. But for now I am getting far too close to being broke and so it is absolutely imperative for me to finish the book and pray that it sells, pray that the motor home sells quickly (like I HAVEN'T been doing that!!), or go and find a job or a room mate, or maybe all of the above.

It means there will be no kitchen remodel or adding a sunroom in the foreseeable future. There are some repairs I need to make before winter, but that is all I can do, that and finish the floor into the entryway. I can’t go out and buy any more furniture or furnishings, or spend money on dinners out or tickets to Broadway productions or other entertainment -- not that I do that more than once every decade -- or vacations. In fact, I just set up my airline tickets for my annual trip to Cabo in December for my timeshare (I tried renting it out this year -- no takers) and even using up all my 40,000 Frequent Flier miles it still cost me $350 for a ticket. This may be the last year for that trek, also.

So I’m finding that what I thought was a fairly secure future is looking a bit more sketchy, especially with the financial markets being so crazy and inflation looking ominous. But I need reliable transportation that isn’t going to strand me in a dark parking lot somewhere this winter. And, as always, I need to trust that all will be well.