The Dog Days of Winter

January 29, Portland -- Last Saturday I said goodbye to an elderly friend who has sung with me in the choir for years. Paula was 85 and suffered a heart attack earlier in the week. She had sung with us the previous Sunday -- and every Sunday her deteriorating health allowed her to. She passed away Saturday night. I knew she was failing and was able to go to the hospital to say goodbye for myself and for friends who couldn’t be there but who loved her. Such a gift: to be well loved to the end, to continue to do those things you love to do until the end, to be able to live at home until your last three or four days on earth and then spend your last few hours surrounded by friends and loved ones. I told her I envied her the exciting journey she had ahead of her, and asked her to say hello to John for me when she gets to Heaven. Silly, really, but it made me feel better about losing her and I hope it gave her courage. Though she is a courageous woman. She was born in Indonesia but left there and lived in The Netherlands before immigrating to the U.S. She raised six children and has multiple grandchildren and great grandchildren. And countless friends and people who love her.

I had planned to delay my travels a couple of days to attend and sing at her Memorial Mass but they scheduled it not for the 9th as I expected but the 16th of February and that’s just too long a delay. So the 7th will be my date of departure after all -- always depending on the weather, of course. It has been so cold here with snow all around us but we have had just the lightest skiff here on the shores of the Columbia River yesterday morning and none at all this morning. In fact, it feels almost balmy today compared to recent temperatures and the sun even popped out for a bit this morning.

Today I have Charlie’s buddy, Nick, while my brother Tom goes to the dentist. Both dogs are sleeping quietly. Yesterday we had yet another dog in the Mo. And, get this, it was another Charlie. The Jim who had walked with us a couple weeks and doesn’t like Republicans or Catholics DOES like golden retrievers. So much, in fact, that after walking with Charlie and me he went out and found a puppy, who looks very much like my Charlie in color, though is significantly smaller at only six weeks. He is darling -- a cuddly little ball of fur who loves to snuggle. We first met him in the office where he was turning heads and breaking hearts with his utter cuteness. Then Jim dropped by to show him off. Charlie likes him but seems a little perplexed at what to do with him. I told Jeff that after our travels and once I have a home again, we should get him a golden puppy. If they won’t let him have it at his condo, Charlie and I could keep it. Then Charlie would have a buddy and the puppy would have an excellent mentor. He likes the idea very much. I’m not sure I’m up to raising a puppy again but if I were home much of the time it would be easier than when Charlie was a puppy and John and I both worked full time.

In an effort to stave off poverty through the cost of propane used to heat my home, which is running me about $50 or more a week, I purchased a small space heater yesterday. So far it is working okay to reduce my dependence on liquid petroleum. We’ll see what it does to my electricity costs which I pay while I’m on a monthly basis but won’t have to pay at most short stays. Others have told me it’s a much more economical option. At least I know if I run out of propane I won’t totally freeze.

Having firmed up our departure date, I have already made arrangements to stay in the Russian River area of Northern California for four nights, three nights at a ranch near Santa Barbara, and then east of San Diego for four nights followed by one night in Palm Springs, which is all I could get. These are all at my Thousand Trails preserves so will not cost us. That is good. Diesel prices here have dropped significantly -- 40 cents a gallon since December but there’s no guarantee that will last. In fact, it almost surely won’t. From Palm Springs we’ll head to Arizona and on east. Stay tuned for more travel adventures with . . .

TravelinLady

Encountering Bigotry in Portland

Portland, OR, January 20 -- Winter has settled into the Pacific Northwest with a vengeance. It has been as cold as it’s been in several years, with lows expected tomorrow and Tuesday down into the low 20s or teens. I know this doesn’t seem cold to my friends from Minnesota, Green Bay, Wisconsin, Rochester, NY or Lewiston, Maine. But it is cold for us and it seems incredibly cold for living in a motor home. I worry about my pipes and tanks freezing, even with a system heater. Normally you would winterize an RV, draining tanks and injecting antifreeze. I can only hope that heating the inside provides enough heat to the exterior sections to prevent freezing and subsequent broken pipes.

We should be having sun but there’s enough of an inversion that we’re mostly socked in with fog. Sun would at least help warm things during the day. We’ll see what happens this week. In spite of the cold, I’ve taken Charlie on several good walks. Earlier this week we walked with an older man from the park who recently moved back to the Northwest from Arizona. Jim loves golden retrievers and thinks Charlie is beautiful as well as intelligent and well trained. He IS beautiful and intelligent; I don’t know about the “well trained” but admit that he’s pretty cooperative most of the time in spite of my inadequacies as a “trainer.” By the end of our walk, however, Jim didn't seem to be too impressed with Charlie's owner.

While walking we saw a beautiful black swan swimming in the Columbia River. Charlie chased it and the Canada geese that were downstream a bit. On the way back I saw a bald eagle in one of the large old trees -- I think they’re elms but am not sure -- along the river.

There was also a more unpleasant experience. While we were walking on the 40-mile-loop trail a woman rode by on her bike. I would guess she was middle aged. She made some friendly comments, especially directed toward Charlie. Down the trail a ways we came across her again as she paused for a break to have some coffee. We were having a very friendly, amicable conversation with her when she made some very disparaging remarks about George Bush and then about all Republicans, implying that all Republicans are evil personified. I told her I was a Republican and knew many good Republicans.

At this point Jim chimed in with her, saying there might have been some good Republicans but they were all dead. I said “You mean like Lincoln and Teddy Roosevelt?” It was like I suddenly had sprouted horns and a forked tail. I decided to just drop it and proceed with my walk since some minds are so closed it’s not worth talking to them.

However, it brings up that really sore point for me. WHY is it okay to make a blanket assumption and statement about a group of people based on opinions or perceptions about a few members of that group. Correct me if I’m wrong: Isn’t that bigotry? How is that different from someone who fears all Asians because a few second generation Vietnamese youth are in gangs? Isn’t that the kind of judgmental generalization that is consider inappropriate when directed at any other group of people? Why is it okay to generalize against a very large group of individuals who just happen to be registered in one of our country’s two major political parties?

Up to that point I had done nothing to make her (or him) think I was anything less than a nice person. But applying a label to me automatically makes me evil regardless of how I think or what I do in my life or how I treat others. She knew nothing about me except when, in defense of all my Republican friends and in an effort to point out her bigotry, I told her I was a Republican.

I have voted for Democrats on numerous occasions, even donated money and volunteer time to their campaigns. This all-or-none attitude is something I can’t grasp. There are probably equally as many bad Democrats (Neil Goldschmidt springs to mind) as bad Republicans, equally as many good Republicans as Democrats (Mark Hatfield, Tom McCall and Gordon Smith spring to mind in addition to those two dead Republicans mentioned earlier).

So what’s up with this polarization? This hatred based solely on identification with a specific group? And it works both ways: some Republicans hate all Democrats just as vehemently. This is the kind of garbage that makes me dislike politics and especially the talk show hosts who foster and encourage such hatred to bump up their own ratings. Having met so many good people throughout our country, I know we have far more in common than we disagree on. Having watched the debates with both Republican and Democratic presidential contenders, I am sure that each one of them loves our country very much. None of them is evil, and our country will survive no matter which one is ultimately selected. They may vary in their beliefs of what is the best solution for our country’s future. But that is one of the things that we celebrate in our diversity and our two-party system. Those are the things that keep us strong as a nation: having the right to have open discussions and disagree about things. To demonize a large portion of our citizens because they disagree with us on a few things is flat wrong and counterproductive to the freedoms we cherish.

Oh, and then I mentioned to Jim, who had invited Charlie and I to go for a walk, that I was also a Catholic. I’m not sure which he thought was worse. Needless to say, he has not stopped by to invite us to walk again, which is just fine with me. Okay, soapbox over.

Tomorrow I am starting the Mo for the first time in weeks so I can drive it to the Cummins repair place in North Portland and have them try to figure out why my generator won’t start. I have to be there by 8; fortunately it is a holiday so the traffic should be minimal. I am still waiting for my tax forms to arrive so I can get things to my accountant before leaving. Other little things are getting done day by day and I am looking forward to hitting the road again and maybe finding a bit warmer climate.

TravelinLady

Forecasting Sunny Times Ahead

Portland, OR, January 16 -- Having slept a few nights on the idea of traveling again, I find I am thoroughly excited and energized by the prospect. Especially with a co-pilot. I’m getting great support from people who know about my plans, along with suggestions of Must See places. Savannah, Ga., comes up often.

Thankfully the weather has been lovely for Portland in January so I’ve been able to do a few outside maintenance projects. It has been quite cold -- 40s during the day and below freezing at night -- but unlike most high pressure systems we get in the winter, there has been really no wind. Actually, it got into the 50s on Sunday -- a marvelous day altogether. It’s a nice break from both the wind and rain, which we’ve had an overabundance of. Blue skies criss-crossed by multiple jet trails and a distant sun making a valiant effort to warm us and burn off the fog. I open my blinds and try to take advantage of the solar gain from the sun to offset the cost of heating the Mo as much as possible. It's supposed to stay this way for another few days. This feels like a great omen: sunny weather helping me get ready for sunny places.

Charlie and I have taken some really good walks with this favorable weather. It is such a joy to be able to turn him loose and watch him run. Yesterday we found a large vacant field and followed a trail to a dike that bounds a slough. Charlie chased a Great Blue Heron -- which was probably almost as big as him -- and later we saw a Great Egret, a beautiful white heron with black in its tail feathers.

The Canada geese are everywhere. They are so interesting to watch. Their V’s are really dynamic, sometimes more of a checkmark than a V, sometimes a little crooked or with mini-Vs forming off the main branches, sometimes a W. The V can pack up to more of an arrowhead, then loosen back up. The point goose sometimes moves back and another takes its place. Aerodynamically the lead goose probably has the difficult task of windbreaker. Having had a daughter who participated in cross country, I know the lead runner has the hardest task. You will see flocks of as little as two or three, or large, complex flocks that break apart and then come back together -- kind of like what is happening with the presidential primaries. You hear them from a distance, chattering as they fly overhead, even when you can’t see them because of the clouds. You also see large flocks of them in the pastures, eating the grass -- brown moving hummocks covering the fields. I did a double-take the first time I saw them as I didn’t immediately recognize the creatures I saw as birds. I have always loved to hear geese overhead and this place along the Columbia River is a treasure trove.

The electricity was out for a bit this morning here in the park and in much of the area. I’m not sure why, but it is a good reminder that I need to figure out why my generator won’t start so that if I should be without power I can at least run off the generator. There are a couple of other little things I need to have checked or fix before heading out. As I was telling a friend at lunch, it’s good for me to have something to look forward to, to work towards; a goal or deadline. It motivates me to accomplish things. I’m still waiting to get my W2s and hope they come soon because I still need to get them forwarded from my PO Box to here before my appointment with my accountant on the 6th.

My brother and I take Nick and Charlie on walks together as often as possible. They both seem to know when they are going to see each other and are so excited, whining with anticipation. They very clearly love each other. Further proof in my mind that not only are dogs intelligent but that they can love. I told my brother Tom about the book I am writing about dogs and God, and Tom recalled the bumper sticker that pokes fun at people who wear their religion on their bumpers: God is my Co-Pilot changed to Dog is my Co-pilot. We laughed but later I thought about that a little bit. Charlie has been my co-pilot -- but I’m sure he will be happy to turn the job over to Jeff. I’m thinking God is nobody’s co-pilot. If we allow God into our lives, we need to give God the driver’s seat. But we so often confuse God’s directions with those given to us by people: our own misdirections based on fear or guilt or other things that drive us; our church or community leaders, our families and friends. They are all back-seat drivers. They can make suggestions but each of us must listen to God for ourselves, must find that small, still part within ourselves where God dwells in union with us. So my small, still voice is cheering as I prepare to head out again. I’m not sure why. Once again, I have no clear understanding why I must do this. Perhaps I never will. That is part of God’s mystery, I think. We sometimes accomplish what needs to be accomplished without ever knowing what it was or what we did.

TravelinLady

But Wait, There's More

Portland, OR, January 14 -- Here I go, changing my mind again!! I did get one phone call from my ad on the motorhome. But the more I thought about it, the more I felt a great deal of regret about how much I have already done to get to this place: selling everything, finding a great motorhome, getting my rv memberships in place. And I realized what a waste it would be to stop -- to give it up now before I have really seen the rest of the country. I know, I know, I have done those things I first set out to do. But, hey! There are so many more things I really want to do. Being parked here in Portland for several months and reconnecting with friends has been great. But I feel the pull to explore again. I've made it through the roughest months of winter, I think, although snow is possible in many places until April or even May. But I'll just avoid those places. The biggest impediment for me has been traveling alone. I have always wanted to continue, I just found it too difficult to continue flying solo.

Well, I have finally found a traveling companion who can help drive, and read maps, and respond to my questions and comments, help me plan where to go and what to do and where to stay, and take photos or get me a cup of coffee or check directions as I'm driving down the road . . . all things which Charlie has a very difficult time doing. After several discussions I think I have convinced my friend Jeff to come and travel with me. I've already discovered he does dishes; I may have to teach him to cook. I might even make him do some entries in the blog. We need to stay in the Northwest until we get our W2s so we can file our taxes. I have paid at this rv park until February 6 (Ash Wednesday, coincidentally) and have an appointment with my accountant that afternoon. But probably on the 7th we will head south toward California.

We'll probably stop near Coos Bay on the Southern Oregon Coast for a night or two and see Kristin and Ryan to tell them goodbye. Then we'll head down to see my older sister down in Northern California. We may decide to park somewhere fairly close to San Francisco and visit friends there. Then head on south and look for some sun. I have a good friend in San Diego whom I may try to visit. And good friends in Las Vegas I should check in with, although I may do that on the route home. These are all friends who used to live in Portland and moved away. May also stop in Southern Texas near Brownsville and visit one of my late husband's uncles who has a large greenhouse operation there. We would be close to Padre Island National Seashore. I really want to make it to Florida to visit a very dear friend and her husband (who also used to live here) and take the time to explore a state that I find very intriguing -- all the way down the Keys, hopefully. So many places and people still to see!

I originally wanted to be in Portland for Easter but since it is so early this year, that doesn't give us much time and so isn't too likely. The choir may have to carry on through Triduum and Easter without me (actually it's more I will have to carry on without singing for the Triduum). I'd like to try to catch most of the southern states that I missed on my summer/fall swing. I'd like to try another Habitat for Humanity build or two -- there are lots down in Hurricane Alley -- Louisiana, Mississippi, Florida. Jeff wants to do that too so we will try to schedule a week or more for that if we can. I am thinking my "Must Be Back" date is really not until July, when my first biological grandchild is expected, although I doubt we will be gone that long. Most likely will be back sometime in April or early May. Then maybe, just maybe, if things work out we could take another trip and make it up to Alaska to visit my friend Sarah and my friend Jesse. It's good to have friends!

So I am feeling excited about going out there again and seeing so much more of our wonderful country, meeting new people, testing new foods. And I am feeling very good about having a co-pilot. Honestly, as I told Jeff, I really couldn't do this again without someone to keep me company. I just don't have the heart to go it alone again. I know traveling with someone for weeks or even months will have it's challenges but as long as we don't talk about religion or politics . . . we should be just fine. Although, coincidentally, his father worked for Mark Hatfield during his first term as a U.S. Senator so Jeff spent some of his youth living in the DC area.


The good news for all of you is that you get to look forward to some new and hopefully more interesting travel posts. I've already started to mark some of the places I want to see on my atlas. But that means you have to keep reading, or start reading. Whatever. So stay tuned and, unless I change my mind again, I should once again be . . .

TravelinLady

The Birds of the Air, the Lilies of the Field

In Chapter 6 of Matthew’s Gospel, Jesus warns us not to worry about our physical welfare: our food and drink, our clothing. Seek first and foremost the Kingdom of God and be concerned “with what He requires of you,” and God will take care of the less important things. We have always taken this literally: God will provide for our physical needs. This is probably one of the best known, most frequently argued and most guilt-inducing chapters of the New Testament. How can we not worry about food and clothing, making sure our families are safe and warm and well fed? Who can go through life without making at least some effort to provide for themselves? We scorn those capable adults who prefer to let others take care of them. This is, indeed, one of the most difficult and challenging things Jesus calls us to. Give up your concern with living well, looking well, being well fed, and focus on me and the Father. What happens if we apply this counsel to “stop worrying” to our prayer life?

As hard as it is to think about turning our physical well being over to God, how much more difficult is it to allow God to direct our spiritual affairs? The mystics – St. John of the Cross, Teresa of Avila, Thomas Merton and others – tell us in their writings that the Dark Night of the Soul is a process of letting go of our need to control our spiritual lives. It is an abandoning of ourselves completely to God in prayer. Contemplation is not emptiness, it is not nothingness; it is God whispering to us of his love. It is God taking away our distractions, our compulsions, our attachments, our beliefs, our securities, and leaving us a clean vessel to be filled with God’s love.

St. Ignatius’ Suscipe speaks of this desire to turn over all to God:
Take, Lord, and receive all my liberty,
my memory, my understanding
and my entire will,
All I have and call my own.

You have given all to me.
To you, Lord, I return it.

Everything is yours; do with it what you will.
Give me only your love and your grace.
That is enough for me.

This is the loss of “self” that happens through the Dark Night of the Soul/Spirit. Little by little we are allowed to give up things that we have held dearly, things that have seemed critical to our spiritual well being, our very identity. But perhaps these are things that actually keep us from really knowing God; they may be our false gods, our idols, even if they have always seemed to be holy and good. Have you ever heard the expression that if your mind is too open your brain might fall out? In the Dark Night of the Soul that is actually the desired outcome: Lose those old attachments that keep you bound to a limited understanding and knowledge of God.

Have you ever been in a conversation with someone you claim to love and been so focused on what you want to say that you weren’t really listening to what they were saying? Or are concentrating more on holding your stomach in so you look good, or keeping an eye out around the room for someone else you need to talk to? Have you ever found yourself paying more attention to the television than your loved one? I admit to guilt on all counts. It is so difficult to completely give your time and attention to someone. How much harder if that Someone is not in your direct line of sight, is not someone you can touch, hear?


If we are focused on recitation, or on keeping our mind blank, if we focus on directing our own thoughts, mind, will, we don’t leave room for God’s part of the conversation. There is security in saying the right things at the right times, we feel we’re crossing the t’s and dotting the i’s of prayer, getting it right. Our Father who art in heaven . . . after all, that is how Jesus taught us to pray.

Consider the birds of the air, the lilies of the field, the tall trees, the mountains, even that golden retriever currently resting his head on my knee. They do not worry about how they pray. Their every breath, their very being is a prayer. They live in the freedom of being who or what God created them to be. If we trust God in the little things – that this or that will turn out the way it is supposed to – how much better to trust God in the big things: our prayer. Let God lead the dance for God knows the steps far better than we ever will.

TravelinLady

A Big Decision

Portland, OR, January 3, 2008 -- Happy New Year to all. As those who read this blog regularly know, I have been struggling with whether or not to continue traveling. There are still so many places to see. But my primary goals when I started this last spring were to travel to Minnesota and canoe the Boundary Waters with my sister -- done; see New England in the Fall -- done; see the Great Lakes, Niagara Falls, Gettysburg, Mount Rushmore -- all done. I think that was what that voice was telling me back in September in Pennsylvania; with the exception of Mt. Rushmore and the Black Hills, everything I set out to do had been done. I found some time to read and journal, not much time to paint, unfortunately, but that was more a function of space than time. I reconnected with some old friends on their own turf, and I met lots of wonderful new friends. I have been so amazed and impressed by the beauty of our country, and the goodness of its people. It was a discovery time for me: discovering my country of birth, discovering more about myself; a journey both inward and outward. In the process I also discovered more than I ever wanted to know about diesel engines and electrical systems and other mechanical sorts of things, many of which still remain mostly a big mystery to me.

I knew going into this that there would be hard times, challenging and lonely times. I'm finding the hard times outweigh the pleasure I get from seeing new places. Since returning to the Northwest in October I have spent much of my time parked in an rv park in Northeast Portland. This is not the lifestyle I envisioned for myself and Charlie. Excuse me while I anthropomorphize a little here: it is also not a good life for the Mo, which was made for the road. It's not happy being parked in one spot and it handles so well on the road it really should be in use. Perhaps inertia is setting in but I can't summon up the will to hit the road again. In fact, it's getting hard to summon up the will to do much of anything.

So this morning I posted the Mo on Craigs List. I will try to sell it with my Saturn, the tow car (or toad or dinghy), and with the 1000 Trails membership as a package. It's not the best time of year to sell a motorhome, unless I can find someone who wants to head south out of the cold and rain. I have a few things I need to fix, including the exhaust fan over the stove that apparently was permanently damaged with the electrical problem in Minnesota this summer and didn't get repaired because it didn't get discovered until I was well down the road. I need to thoroughly clean everything and try to suck up as much of Charlie's hair as possible, shampoo or replace the carpet, figure out why the generator won't start (maybe it just needs propane!!) and a few other little things. I will need to find some temporary living accommodations and/or storage space so if I am able to find a buyer I can vacate the Mo. If moving out of my house into the Mo was intimidating, this seems overwhelming, especially in the dead of winter. Charlie and I might be able to go down to Coos Bay and house sit for my daughter and son-in-law while they are in Central America in March, especially now that he and their puppies are such good buddies. Their bunnies are a whole other matter, however.

Who knows when or if anyone will call on my ad. If they don't I'm not sure what my options might be. Find someone who will take a motor home in as partial exchange for a house? See if I can use it as exchange for a vehicle (not likely unless I want an $80,000 vehicle). This was certainly in the back of my mind when I bought the Mo. But I don't have to sell this week. I have time. It was just time to make a decision and start the ball rolling. Sometimes the decision-making is the hardest part, at least for me. So keep me and Charlie and the Mo in your prayers, as you are in mine. I know things will work out the way they are supposed to; they always do eventually. Especially if you learn to be open and flexible and roll with the punches. And if you know anyone who might be interested in taking on the traveling life, please put them in touch with me!!!

Travelin'Lady

Prospero Ano e Felizidad

Cabo San Lucas, BCS, Mexico, December 30 -- Just as the year is coming quickly to a close, so too is our week at this idyllic little paradise in sunny Mexico.

We have seen many whales this week. Yesterday there were some very close to shore and easy to watch without binoculars although I had mine and shared them with several people. It is sad to see the whales surface only to be converged upon by so many boats. The turistos all want to see the whales and the captains of the vessels seem to have no respect for their right to space and privacy. The boats range in size from little skiffs to large catamarans and fishing boats; one worries a bit about the small boats getting so close to surfacing whales. I saw one whale leap almost totally out of the water today -- I think perhaps it was a baby whale playing. We have also seen some large pods of dolphins. They seem to attract the pelicans; apparently the dolphins stir up or herd the fish and drive them to the surface so the pelicans swoop down to feed easily.

We have eaten too much and drank too much and walked or exercised too little. Good thing it is time for New Year’s resolutions; I must do something about the extra pounds: both more exercise and practicing self-control better.

I have been reading a very good book that was recommended to me last May:The Dark Night of the Soul, by Gerald G. May. He’s a psychiatrist raised as a Methodist who has some very helpful suggestions about God and love and how we grow into that love through our “dark nights,” a mystical, mysterious letting go of attachments and compulsions that often is gradual. The term “dark” as used by Teresa of Avila and John of the Cross, 16th Century Spanish mystics and doctors of the Church, on whose writings the book is based, refers more to the mysterious, obscure way our spiritual growth and letting go happens rather than a night of terror and/or pain as many people believe the term signifies. The book provides a level of comfort with these changes all who seek God must experience. I have been attracted by the works of Teresa of Avila and John of the Cross for a couple of years and this book does a good job of making their writings a bit easier to apply and understand.

I find myself having a difficult time focusing on much of anything for very long, though. I am sleeping alot and tired alot. Too much sun, perhaps. Or waking early to watch the sun rise and the fishing boats head out to sea. I’m not sure what it is; just general laziness, perhaps. I have tons of pictures of sunsets and sunrises and not much else. We actually haven’t left the resort since I picked my sister up on Wednesday. But why leave when everything we need is here. But tomorrow it all ends as we head to the airport (what culture shock that will be) and then back to Oregon and cold rain again. I will miss the warmth and sun. I went to Mass this morning at the little chapel here on the resort; it was half in Spanish half in English; the priest had someone do the readings in English and then someone do them in Spanish. He did the homily first in Spanish and then in English. It gave me some appreciation for those from another language background who attend Mass in English. Today, the Feast of the Holy Family, is also a good time to think of those who are not able to be in their homeland because of danger or threats to their families. And another reminder that I need to figure out where I will go next, where I will land, and what I will do with myself. My own “dark night” of confusion and obscurity, of mystery and uncertainty.

So to all three of you people who read this blog (kidding -- I know there are at least five of you), may your New Year be one filled with peace and blessings and love and health, and all good gifts.

TravelinLady