Late Fall Offers Storms, Sun, Rainbows

Last Friday I took to the road again. This time I drove my RAV4 down to California, a trip of about 600 miles, to visit my sister who was recently diagnosed with colon cancer and had abdominal surgery. The trip down was breathtaking vistas, though exhausting as it was about 11 hours of straight driving, with a brief break in Medford for gas and a quick lunch. In the Willamette Valley, ground fog crept along the fields of grass and winter wheat, covering them with a soft blanket. Farther south the fog was more insidious. I would be driving through dark dankness, mist swirling around, and then pop back out into sunshine only to drive back into fog. By the time I reached the California border, the fog was gone and Mt. Shasta was offering a sparkling show of white against the deep blue sky.

The weather in Northern California (just east of Ukiah and west of Clear Lake) was balmy and soft and sweet. It would have been perfect weather for hiking or exploring, checking out wineries, or any number of endeavors. However, my purpose for traveling was not as a tourist, not for leisure. I spent much of the days I was there just visiting with my sister, helping in whatever ways I could around the house and with companionship, listening to her, sharing thoughts and fears and ideas.

A friend of hers came by one evening and did a Tarot reading for me -- first one I've ever done. Interesting, though I'm not sure I learned very much. Still, it was a good conversation starter for Colleen and I. Perhaps these kinds of things are most helpful in encouraging us to look more closely at our lives, and those of our loved ones, looking for ways to change and improve relationships with ourselves and others.

Colleen told me she has been found to have the BRCA1 gene, a mutation that often predisposes people with it to ovarian or breast cancer. Her doctor told her colon cancer was also implicated with this gene. I had never heard that before. So I am making some inquiries into having some genetic testing done for myself.

After nearly five days of visiting, I decided it was time to head back north. I left mid-day on Wednesday. By sunset I was once again driving past Shasta country. The sky was brilliant with pink and lavender clouds. The sun kissed the top of Mt. Shasta goodnight as it slipped over the horizon. Breathtaking!

I arrived at my younger sister's home in Eagle Point, east of Medford, around 5:30. She was on her way to Portland for a meeting so I got to house- and kitty-sit for the evening. The next morning I left around 10 a.m. and headed north. Much of the way I was accompanied on either side by rainbows, as the weather had turned during the night. They felt like colorful angels, watching me as I drove. Rainbows always give me a sense of hope as well as just the sheer joy of seeing bright colors emerge magically from a confluence of clouds and rain and sun. They take me back to my childhood and a sense that all will be well.

North of Roseburg I ran into a terrible little squall that left me driving blind for a couple miles. Thankfully the rest of the trip was just mist and showers or clear patches.

It was good to be back home. Charlie was so excited and happy to see me, and I was happy to see him. He's such a goofy dog but I love him dearly. This morning we went for a walk in his favorite park, as the sun was back out. I wrote the following reflections after our walk:

A Lone Goose

A row of arbor vitae festooned with tinsel,
a gift of the spiders. The webs drape gracefully between each bush,
connecting the trees like arms extended in embrace.
The gossamer strands, sparkling in the thin sun, are beaded
with tiny seed pearls and diamonds of dew,
garlands more delicate and beautiful than human hand
or imagination could create.
Here and there intricate webs decorate the evergreen branches,
a study in patience and artistic engineering. These, too,
encrusted with sparkling miniscule gems.
A lone goose circles overhead, calling frantically
to her missing flock. Her plaintive cry echoes across the fields.
My heart goes out to this lone creature
left behind for some reason. Geese mate for life.
Perhaps she remained with a dying mate
taking time to mourn the loss of her family.
I know how she feels; I have been there myself, too many times.
Difficult times
when I have cried out in sadness, loss, with only God to hear,
wandered strange roads seeking I knew not what.
There is little I can do for the goose,
save send my thoughts and love her way.
Oblivious to me and my concerns for her, she flies
through a pale blue sky criss-crossed with vapor trails,
jets going north, going south, a journey the goose herself must make
once she finds a flock that welcomes and supports her.
It may not be the same flock, the same fit, but it is a matter of survival
for her to find such a community.
We are no different from the goose in that need: love, companionship, support.
In the hills beyond, wisps of fog slide among the trees,
specters of the clouds that gathered here earlier. They form
a haunting reminder that clear and sunny days like today
are a rare gift, to be savored and held in one’s heart
for the dark storms of tomorrow.

The Long and Winding Road, Take 3

November 10 -- Sometimes the road is most challenging when you're sitting at home. It's been that kind of week for me.

The first blow was when my sister, who is 15 months older than me, was admitted to the hospital on Halloween and the following day had surgery to remove a portion of her colon, including a tumor. We waited all week to hear the outcome of the pathology on the tumor. Just this Saturday I spoke with her and she told me she has stage 3C colon cancer. She will undergo chemo sometime this winter. It is a frightening prospect and I have been devastated by this news. Colleen is the person I've known longer than any other living person. We grew up as sisters do: sharing clothes and secrets, sharing hopes and dreams and fears, bickering, sometimes, yelling and slapping and hugging, laughing and crying together. She is the one who most faithfully called me every single week for at least two years after John died. She went to Italy with me, and then Hawaii with me. She's been to Cabo with me two or three times. Last summer we went to Yosemite in the Mo together. She probably knows more about me than anyone, has seen my deepest canyons and been there for me.

I will drive to California on Friday to spend some time with her, trying to prop her up and help her be positive about the outcome of medical procedures, help her fight. But I have spent a lot of time the last couple of days mourning, lots of time crying about this. I know prayers help and I ask for those from anyone reading this.

The second blow was from the election. My friend and former employer, Gordon Smith, was taken down after 12 years of service to Oregon, by a political machine that spent nearly $20 million on ads that misrepresented so much of who Gordon Smith is and how he voted. His supposed friend, Senator Ron Wyden, was instrumental in that, according to newspaper reports. The Democratic ads called Gordon a hypocrite, but it was Ron Wyden and his chief of staff Josh Karden (whom I have never liked and always distrusted) who were the true hypocrites. And it is Oregon who will pay for that betrayal. Gordon Smith and his staff did much of the heavy lifting on casework, helping those who needed social security disability or help with immigration issues or help with veterans issues and so many other things. People learned to just call Gordon's office, or Wyden's office sent them there. THey apparently couldn't be bothered to help Oregonians themselves. Gordon did so much on appropriations, to help bring mental illness out of the closet and make it something to be treated rather than be ashamed of, and worked on many other efforts that have helped Oregonians the past 12 years. He rarely received public credit, but those who needed help know where the true help and service came from. Now Wyden and his people will finally have to step up to the plate and do some actual work. Congratulations, Ron! You and your staff betrayed a man you called your friend for political gain. See why I love politics so much?!

So it has been a very difficult week and I am coping with all this as well as I can. I spoke with the Senator's wife, Sharon, on Saturday, sent my love to them both and told her how very much they have meant to me and how terribly sad I am at this loss. I haven't talked to my friends, who will all be out of work next month. Some of them had worked for Senator Hatfield before Senator Smith, and serving Oregon has been their life. Now, in a very difficult economic and political climate, they will be looking for work to provide for their families. Please keep all of them in your prayers, as well.

So, guess that pretty well sums up my week. Hope all you had a better one.

TravelinLady