Finding a Positive Focus

Well, if it hasn’t been evident in my posts (few and far between though they have been), I have been struggling some lately. There have been days where it was all I could do to get out of bed after lying there thinking about the absence of purpose in my life. Sometimes it feels like my life is completely empty and void of meaning. So I’ve been searching for some way to change that.

Last Wednesday I had my first meeting with a new spiritual director, Jack Kennedy. I’ve known Jack for years; in fact, he worked with John and I probably 8 years ago when we were trying to resolve some of the issues and struggles in our marriage. I knew I needed to find a spiritual guide to help me discern the next phase of my life. I asked a good friend who also does spiritual direction and she said it is something of an ethical concern to mix friendship and spiritual direction; similar, I suppose, to having your friend be your counselor or your counselor be a friend. She recommended Jack. When I finally got in touch with him, he told me he did have room so one more step in the map to finding myself.

We talked about my belief that I need to find a dream -- or perhaps resurrect a dream. He gave me an assignment for the next month: to spend time thinking about what God’s dreams for me might be; God’s unique dreams for me and the world. I was supposed to pray and vision what God dreams in me and focus on which specific words, images, phrases surface, to try to get in on the flow of God’s dreaming in me. Specifically, Jack mentioned Frederick Buechner, author of Wishful Thinking: A Theological ABC: “There are different kinds of voices calling you to different kinds of work, and the problem is to find out which is the voice of God rather than of Society say, or the Superego, or Self-Interest. By and large a good rule for finding out is this. The kind of work God usually calls you to do is work (a) that you need most to do and (b) that the world needs most to have done. The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet. ”

So I have been doing that prayer and reflection and visioning.

Then another friend and I were talking about my lack of direction that was dragging me into an ugly place. She had a video she wanted me and some other friends to watch and then to set up a support group of women who are trying to establish new goals. On Sunday we watched “The Secret,” and talked about the concept of putting positive things into the universe. The laws of attraction state that what you put out comes back to you, so if you focus on fears, anger, frustrations, those will continue to come back to you. If you ask for or focus on good things, good will flow back to you. Kind of like "Seek and you shall find, knock and it shall be opened."

Monday morning I laid in bed and thought about all the blessings and gifts I have received, all my reasons to be thankful. I said a prayer in thanksgiving then literally bounded out of bed and had an amazingly productive day. Even Charlie could sense the change in attitude and was enthusiastic and playful. I have decided that Charlie is a great barometer for my moods: he can sense when I am down and it drags him down. So for no other reason than for Charlie, I need to focus on being positive.

So far, after two days of focusing on positive things, on believing in abundance rather than scarcity, I am amazed at the difference. Beginning next week I will be taking another workshop on helping find my purpose based on Martha Beck’s Book: Steering by Starlight: Find Your Right Life, No Matter What! And tomorrow afternoon I begin a series of dream classes to talk about what our dreams may be telling us. All VERY interesting stuff. Of course, there are financial challenges in this but if I think positively, the money should present itself or else the costs will somehow be covered. I'm already seeing that happen.

So things are looking very different from my perspective these days and I am feeling confident and positive and hopeful. Try it; you’ll like it!!