What a Difference a Sunny Day Makes

January 19, Martin Luther King, Jr.’s Birthday Holiday -- It’s been about a week of sunny days, actually, and I am loving the blue skies. It has definitely gotten chilly at night -- down to the low 30s -- but during the day the temperatures have been in the 50s or high 40s. The down side -- and it often happens when we have these clear, crisp winter days -- is the wind. It comes blasting out of the Columbia River Gorge, sometimes sending trees crashing in its wake. And it can be miserably cold with that wind blowing, even if the thermometer says 45 degrees. But things are different just a long-hour west of here at the beach, where it has been around 60 for the last few days.

So today, instead of going to the gym to spend an hour on the treadmill with all the people who had the day off, I decided to drive to Cannon Beach and walk with Charlie for an hour-plus on the beach. Truthfully he needs the exercise as much as I do. We left home at 9, filled the gas tank and turned our noses west driving in that glorious sunshine. Driving through the forested hills, it was clear that we'd had some weather issues recently: there were many trees down alongside the roads and places where crews had obviously cut back fallen trees to clear the highway.

Although the temperatures on some of the higher elevations on Highway 26 were right at freezing when we drove over, by the time we got to Cannon Beach it was in the mid-50s and crept up to about 60 degrees. The wonderful thing about catching these kinds of January days is there aren’t very many people out on the beaches. Sometimes the weather is much better than in the summer, when it is often foggy and cloudy. Today it was sunny with just a wisp of fog along the beaches. I stripped down to just a sweatshirt and wished I had put a t-shirt on under it, it was that warm. There was no wind. It was calm and calming. In fact, I saw some young girls in shorts, tanks and sun dresses.

After spending a couple hours walking the beach from Tolovana north to the main part of town -- probably about a mile and a half -- and then back again, Charlie and I found a log and just sat and enjoyed the view of Haystack Rock, the surf, the sun and blue sky. We saw six or seven other golden retrievers on our walk, and probably as many “other” retrievers as well as an assortment of other breeds. The retrievers were definitely in the majority.

Then we took a short drive south to Hug Point, where I pulled into the parking lot briefly to say “hi” to my mom and dad. Of course I know they’re not there, but for me it’s like visiting the cemetery since that’s where we scattered both their ashes. As I drove south on 101 bits of fog were drifting through the trees and the sun shone on them, making them look like strands of silver silk.

About 1 Charlie and I headed back east to the city and the traffic. It’s still sunny here and the wind has calmed down some, but it’s not as warm and definitely not as blissful.

This makes a full week that I have been mostly good. I started going to the gym on Monday, signed up for about 10 weeks of work with a trainer on Wednesday, worked with him Thursday, took an hour-plus walk with Charlie on Tuesday and Saturday and spent a couple more hours at the gym Friday, including my first yoga class. So if you don’t count the three gin-and-tonics I had Friday night with a bag of pita chips, or the handful of fries I ate Sunday -- the only day I didn’t exercise -- when I had lunch with my brother and sister-in-law from the Olympia area, I’ve been being very diligent about working out and watching my food intake. I meet the trainer again tomorrow so we’ll see if I’ve lost any weight or just did it for the fun and challenge.

I would love to shed a few inches all over -- the pounds are really only a way to measure loss -- and get myself in better shape. The yoga class really demonstrated how stiff and inflexible many of my muscles are. So I will continue to work at this and just see how it goes. Not sure I can sustain the working-out-every-day level, but it’s something to shoot for. And really, what’s life if you don’t have a goal to work towards.

Today Is the First Day of the Rest of My Life

That, of course, is every day. But at some point you do have to take a stand to maybe change your life a little. So today is it. Tomorrow I might have to start over but that's the way it goes sometimes.

So this morning I finally got myself to the gym. I spent 40 minutes on an elliptical machine and then did a few weights. The gym -- 24 Hour Fitness just south of Clackamas Town Center -- is new and really nice. But many of the machines are a bit of a mystery to me. It's been well over 18 months since I've been to the gym, I think. So I think I may have to spring for a trainer for a few sessions to get going again. I truly wasted the time I had with a trainer two years ago but that was also about the time I was thinking I was going to retire and make some very big changes in my life. So I wasn't very diligent about things like exercise. Now it's time to get into that. Years ago I had a workout habit and it was very good for me, physically and emotionally.

I am glad to report, though, that the emotional part of me seems to be in pretty darn good shape these days. I enjoy having fun and try not to worry too much about who might be watching me make a fool of myself. This is probably one of the results of my traveling; you just do things and don't worry about audience response. Besides, if people think I'm outrageous or ridiculous or anything else, that's only their problem. Not mine. Now in all honestly, it may be possible that I'm pretty darn happy and satisfied because I don't have a man in my life and haven't for months. Upon much reflection, I think my history shows that when I am with a man, part of a couple, I often try to conform my own self to better suit him. And that's not the way you find fulfillment and happiness. So obviously I have lots of learning and growing to do. Imagine that: 58 and still growing. So right now I'm working on becoming the best and most authentic me I can be. That's where the joy comes in.

So Saturday night at the party I wore my very sparkly clothes and I put on my most sparkly personality and smiles. I got lots of compliments but they didn't really matter because I knew I looked good and I absolutely felt wonderful. I have so many friends at the parish that it was a joy to flit from person to person and just be charming and gracious and flirtatious and just have fun. I danced with some of my lady friends, and not with any of the men. There have been times in my life when I would have hidden in a corner, or even the ladies' room or drank a little too much to try to be less insecure, which never worked, by the way. I didn't have anything to drink until about three hours into the party because I was so busy and involved. Then as the party was winding down I finally let myself have a couple glasses of wine. I am finally starting to feel more comfortable in my own skin and feeling at home. I know I am where I should be and I can’t imagine being any other place. Except to visit, of course, and there are lots of places I still need to see.

I can't swear that I'll never fall victim to the blues again, never sink into depression at some point. But for right now I am feeling strong and vibrant and in control. All the more reason to take care of physical parts -- exercise, better eating, drink more water and less wine.

And one of the reasons for getting in shape now is that I have my make-up vacation planned for late April on Kauai. I was talking to my daughter last night and she and her hubby will probably join me if we can find affordable airfare. My sister will also join us, I think. We want to do some hiking on the NaPali Coastline and Waimea Canyon, do more snorkeling and kayaking -- probably on the rivers as the surf may be too rough. So I'd like to be in decent shape to enjoy those outings.

I'm already thinking about building raised beds for a garden -- I have lots of room -- and a compost bin. Right now everything just gets tossed in a pile and that's very inefficient. I have been working on my book and on my future and at this points it all looks positive.

Life Continues Amid Comings, Goings

January 11, 2008 -- It has been far too long since I last posted. And this time Charlie didn't come through to help me out. He's been busy, too.

So I finally got past my disappointment at not getting to Cabo for a week. Instead, I was busy dealing with arctic air and 16 inches of snow and ice that kept most people housebound for the better part of a week. Thankfully I have four-wheel-drive which works great on snow but ice is a whole 'nother matter. I did not have chains and wouldn't have wanted to bother with those anyway.

I had my sister, Shirley from Medford, with me as she was planning to fly to Cabo with me. Plus I had the ex-husband of a very good friend. He was in town to spend Christmas with their kids and didn't have anyplace to stay. The original plan was that he would house-sit and take care of Charlie while I was gone. But since I wasn't gone . . . It was a little strange but he was a pretty flexible guest. Actually, I ended up giving my bed to my sister, giving him the guest room and sleeping on the couch, much to Charlie's delight. I don't usually let Charlie in my bedroom at night because, frankly, he snores loudly. And my bed is too tall for him to easily climb onto, so half the time he was hogging the couch, which isn't that big to begin with.

I was able to make it to the Christmas vigil at 7. Main streets and highways were fairly passable, but I did worry about them freezing before I got home. And the roads between my house and the freeway were terrible. Any of you in the Northwest will have no sympathy for me -- especially those people in Spokane who are measuring their snowfall in feet rather than inches this winter! Pretty much everyplace north of Salem was hit very hard by winter weather. And now we're dealing with flooding. Tell me again about this Global Warming phenomenon?

After my sister headed back to sunny Medford, my daughter and her husband came to spend a few days for New Years and I was able to spend time with them and with my son and his family in Vancouver. While Kristin was here, her friends Tina and Patrick, whom I had visited in Lexington, KY, were also here so I had them all over for dinner one night. I barely had enough chairs. But it all worked out, happily, and we had an enjoyable evening.

Finally my last guest left by January 6. Then on to the next project: our wonderful pastor of eight years is leaving us. This is his last weekend. We had a huge party for him last night and I was very involved in helping put it together, working with volunteers and all manner of other things, whenever the chair needed help. One of the benefits (?) of being retired. So this morning I will sing at his last Sunday morning Mass and try not to cry. He will still be in the neighborhood as he will be working for the Oregon Province of Jesuits. But we will see him rarely. It is difficult to lose friends, loved ones and mentors, even when they aren't dead and you know you may see them from time to time. Losing their close presence in your life is a difficult thing. And not that he and I were all that close; we had our difficult times. But he is such a good man and his spirituality has been a tremendous gift to me and I know to many others.

So last night we laughed and danced and were joyful for his time with us. Next week we will cry. We put together a book of letters, poems, prayers, etc. And I wrote a special poem for him. With a backdrop of Haystack Rock on the Oregon Coast, I wrote:

Did your parents know? Pat and Helen --
When they named you Peter, were they inspired by some prophecy?
Did something or Someone whisper to them hints of your destiny?
A rock. Our rock.
When the storms of life have pulled at us,
Have threatened to capsize us and carry us away,
You have been a solid and steadfast foundation for us to cling to.
Your great faith and goodness, your wisdom, your love of God
And commitment to a just and peaceful world --
These have taught us, strengthened us, steadied us.
You have given us a solid platform from which to chart our own courses,
Good maps to help us follow our own journeys to God.
But you are not granite or diamonds.
There is a softness in you, like that found in gold.
You have been molded in the flames of God’s love,
In turn, your love has helped mold us.
Your gentleness with children, with the elderly and infirm,
Your kindness to those who are hurting or needy,
Your willingness to understand, accept, forgive,
Your generous sharing of time and wisdom to all who ask it –
These have lifted us up, given us a high and holy vantage point
From which to see and know God’s great love for all of us.
Though you, too, were often battered by sorrows and storms,
You remained steady; you did not crumble or break.
But now we have been called to share the riches of you with others.
Reluctantly, tearfully, we let you go.
But know that you will always remain in our hearts
And these Peter years will always be remembered
As the golden years at St. Ignatius.

And so it has been. And so life goes on. People coming, people going. We deal with the loss in our own ways and know that other good people will come to take their places. In the meantime, I now finally have time to work more diligently on my book. My goal is to have that ready to submit in propoal form before Spring. Heck, before Lent. So mid- to late-February I need to have proposals ready to send out. I can do this. I know I can. If I can drive a 36 foot motorhome 25,000 miles across the country, twice, then I can do this. Oh, and lose about 30 pounds -- but not by Ash Wednesday.

May you all have a wonderful 2009 filled with love and joy, lots of comings and not very many goings. May you be surrounded by peace and abundant blessings.

TravelinLady