Giving Up Guilt

This year for Lent I decided to give up guilt. Well, a little of it anyway. There are so many things that make me feel guilty, but I thought my commitments to two non-profits would be fulfilling and life-giving. Instead they only make me feel obligated, they added more SHOULDS to my life. They are both great organizations.

One, Jesuit Refugee Services, works with refugees, immigration detainees, immigration reform issues. From my years of working for the Senator I know how totally messed up current immigration law is, how unjust, how it divides families and keeps people down. The issue of refugees has always been close to my heart. I started this fall doing volunteer work, finding news articles that the communications director could use in the JRS/USA blog. It was interesting and challenging at first, but as I became more involved with my book and publishing efforts, the JRS was taking more time and I wasn't giving it the effort and energy I needed. This made me feel guilty. So just before Lent started, I bowed out.

The other obligation was with the Franciscan Spiritual Center. I set up a blog for them and had offered to do some marketing volunteer work. But nothing ever came together; they didn't know how to use me and I didn't know how to help them. It was awkward. Then they dragged me, kicking and screaming, onto their advisory council. Really, it was a draft; I felt pummelled into it. But I didn't go to many meetings, I didn't participate much. Obviously I resented it. So I also resigned from the advisory council.

It feels freeing to let go of obligations that don't feed me, don't give me life but only make me suffer and beat myself up. There are plenty of things I really do have to be responsible about (getting my taxes done, taking care of Charlie and the house and the bills, being a good friend, my prayer and reflection, my writing). I'm sure many people -- women for sure -- take on responsibilities and obligations they don't really need. And then when they fail to fulfill those roles perfectly, guilt steps right up and blasts them, makes them feel like failures or at least really bad human beings. Stop the madness. Let go of unnecessary obligations and the guilt that comes with them. Just say no to things that don't give you life when you have the option to do that.

Instead, find ways to feed your soul this Lent, ways to grow closer in touch with yourself and God. Go have a massage and feel in touch with your body. Go walk through spring flowers. Put on your raincoat and boots and walk through wet grass and puddles during sprinkles. Take your dog on a run and watch for bald eagles or goldfinches and swallows. Meditate or just sit in quiet prayer. But don't feel guilty.