Rainbows Still Promise Reconciliation

Of course, this wasn't this morning's rainbow; I don't walk near Niagara Falls!

It is a spring-like day in Portland, fairly warm with sun breaks and rain showers. When Charlie and I left this morning to drive to the park we sometimes walk in, there was a large patch of blue sky overhead surrounded by dark clouds. I thought we might get a walk in before the rain hit. But as we arrived at the park, it was sprinkling a little. I put my hood up and Charlie and I headed out. It could have gotten very wet, given the clouds, but it was just a light drizzle.

We often encounter a number of people on this walk, many with dogs. Today we met a couple with an Airedale and an elderly beagle just leaving, and at one point two young women jogged past us. Otherwise we had the park to ourselves so I let Charlie run off-leash.

Before we finished the first loop of our walk, the sun was back out, shining through the light rain. I glanced off towards the dark clouds in the north and saw a large, brilliant rainbow shining in the gloom.   This felt like a positive sign, reconciliation and forgiveness, a gift of promise after a tough weekend dealing with some emotional pain. That often happens before I make a breakthrough to a new level in my spiritual journey. 

I have been toying with the idea of doing some training to become certified as a spiritual director. I’m pretty sure I am going to do this, at least see where it takes me. Perhaps that discernment was in the back of my mind as I was struggling with some other things Saturday night and most of Sunday. I won’t take you into the depths of the Hell I had descended into; I wouldn’t want to invite friends to such an ugly place.  But part of this, I think, was a reluctance to believe I could help anyone else in their spiritual journey or that I have anything useful or valuable to share with the world. This is some of that sin I talked about in the last post: an unwillingness to accept that God could possibly love me. Oh how I limit God!!

Then last night I read a reflection on Jesus’ invitation to Matthew to come follow him. Matthew, a tax collector who hung out with all manner of disreputable characters, was considered a sinful man. But he was willing to believe that Jesus saw something worthy in him, and he immediately threw in his lot with this teacher.  This was an important reminder to me that God calls all of us, at different times, in different ways, and it takes courage and faith to trust and follow that call. 

The rainbow this morning reminded me that we all have storms and dark days in our lives.  But they end; no one has only good days or only bad days. The rainbow is a kind of bridge between the rain and the sun, creating beauty that can take our breath away.  I’ve commented before about sunsets: the last rays of the sun reflecting on disorder – pollution, dust, smoke – in the evening sky often brings amazing sunsets.  God can create great beauty out of the least likely things; and so God can also use the least likely of people as instruments if they are willing. 

It also occurred to me, as Charlie and I finished our walk in the sunshine and saw a number of other walkers arriving at the parking lot, that because we had been willing to brave the rain, the stormy weather, we had been blessed to see a rainbow that others might have missed because they waited until after the rain quit.  So I’m hoping that my willingness to wrestle with my hard times, my loneliness, my feelings of failure will be similarly rewarded.  I trust God will forgive my frustration and anger and my unwillingness to believe God knows what God is doing in loving me and wanting me.  I take that rainbow as a sign of forgiveness and a celebration of moving past the storm and back into the sunlight.