What would you do if you weren’t doing what you’re doing now?
Ever think about what else you might be doing with your life? Is there something better suited to your personality, skills or desired life-style? I’ve had this discussion several times the past couple weeks with friends and family. They love parts of their jobs, but the jobs also can be very stressful and sometimes drive them crazy. They have shared with me some of the frustrations and dreams that lead them to question current career paths. But they have been in their respective jobs long enough that the pay and benefits would be very difficult to give up. The job has become a security blanket that they are reluctant to leave, almost a golden chain. In today’s economy I can understand the reluctance to leave a well-paying job, especially when you are the sole support and have no on else to help with finances and insurance.
I think it’s easy to become trapped in a situation: job, relationship, community, even our own thoughts about ourselves. Change is difficult and takes a great deal of courage. There is comfort in the familiar, even when the familiar isn’t very comfortable.
I don’t have the issue of being unhappy with work, since I am retired—though that has its own frustrations and difficulties sometimes—but I do sometimes have difficulty moving on. I shared with a friend last night my sadness about a group of friends I’ve known for many years, but I have never felt like we were the right fit. There is always an awkwardness there and I usually leave gatherings feeling much smaller than I know I am. Being with this group feels something like owning a really pretty dress I bought years ago but one that never did fit me right. I keep it in my closet, pull it out occasionally, admire it, try it on, but then just hang it back up. I have grown and changed so it fits even less well than when I first acquired it. For some reason I have trouble letting go and moving on, despite having many other clothes that fit me much better and that I feel much more comfortable wearing. Okay, enough metaphor: you get the idea.
My wise friend suggested that maybe this was really more than I needed to deal with; that perhaps I shouldn’t try to keep up friendships that aren’t life-giving, no matter how many years those connections go back. She isn’t the first to share that wisdom. And this isn’t the only time I have been unable or unwilling to let someone in my life go, even when they no longer fit, if they ever did. Maybe I’m just stubborn, or maybe I need the security of saying I have lots of friends when the truth is I have many acquaintances but only a handful of truly good friends whom I know I can rely on, who support me and are there for me when I need them, and who let me help when they need me.
I think about my reluctance to leave an organized religion that doesn’t always (or even often) feel all that helpful, supportive or right. I think about where I live; I’m not sure it was the best choice for me, but I’m also not sure what would be better. Family closer would be better . . . I think. I think about commitments I’ve made that have long since “expired” but I just keep doing them because people expect me to and I don’t want to let people down.
In conversation with family members last week, we talked about finding your “bliss,” or at least work that would be more life-giving. We talked about—of all the crazy things—starting an Irish pub in Southern Oregon. In many ways it would be perfect for a gregarious, friendly group of siblings who love to cook, sing, be creative and entertain. It was a life-giving idea . . . at least for me. Being with family, welcoming people into our little corner of the world, creating a fun, vibrant place that celebrates our heritage. But there are so many challenges . . . I’m sure it will never happen, especially with a group of people who are as risk-resistant as we seem to be. And as broke as we always seem to be. Still, it was fun to brainstorm, dream, come up with some alternative things we might do with our lives. And I think it was helpful for my siblings to have a little dream time-out, to really think about ways of living that might be more life-giving, less stressful. Kind of like taking a vacation without leaving home.
It’s okay to dream, and it doesn’t cost anything to dream big. In fact, sending those dreams out into the Universe, visioning them, can lead to fulfillment. Just be sure you’re willing to let go of that security blanket if the opportunity to follow your dream surfaces.
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